Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Dear Treasure…I mean Heart

Dear Treasure Heart,

You've been with me through it all.  And often I have foolishly followed you. But you are deceitful (Jer 17:9) while disguised in "wisdom" and "the right thing".  The enemy knows what hurts you, where your strings are that when pulled make me ache so much I don't feel like I can stand.  The worse part is he knows what makes you lead me to question the One I actually follow.

The world advertises that I should follow you, that you are true.  But the Word of Truth says whoever trusts you is a fool (Prov 28:26).

When my children are sick and I question medical care or have had a bad day solely because of cultural differences you ache.  You whisper in my ear the promises of an "easier" life for them on the other side of the Atlantic.  The enemy whispers to you the same lie he told in the garden, "Did the Father really say...."

When I am up feeding my baby at 2am and there is literally no where in our house to go that is comfortable to sit you remind me of the comfy glider that waits for me tucked in a basement.

When she is crying and crying and there is no where in our house to go that won't disturb the others sleeping you flash pictures of the beautiful home we built in the suburbs that provided such space.

When I spend 30 minutes preparing the lettuce to eat so that we won't be sick you long for the pre-package, pre-washed, pre cut up pieces that I can dump into a bowl and eat.

The things of this world make you long for the easier and more comfortable way.  But the gate is narrow and the road is difficult that leads to life (Matthew 7:14).

I want life.  I want to be obedient.  I want my children to see our life as following the Father by doing what the Word commands not what you, oh heart, long for.

So dear heart, you will not find what you are aching for unless you long for what the Father desires.  My treasure will not be in the things of the world but in the things to come.

Luke 12:34 "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Feeling Pummeled From Being So Constantly Humbled

Sigh.  That's about all I can exert at this point.  Sigh.

Folks, I really don't think I'm all that great but I don't think I'm a complete idiot either.  So day after day of being looked at, spoken to, and treated like one is making me feel a little pummeled.

When I speak in my new language I sound like a 2 year old.  Since I happen to have a 2 year old I know exactly how one sounds.  I say things like, "I go store buy book yesterday." Those stinkin prepositions that I can't keep in my brain! Not only do I not use the proper tense, the words that are correct are difficult for others to understand.  Most of the time I know what my 2 year old is saying because I understand the context.  When other people come in my home they only get about half of what he says.  Enter me speaking my new language…..people get about half of what I say.

Back in the good ole US of A I had a full ride to college, a bachelor's degree and a professional job helping save people's lives.  Lots of people have way more impressive credentials than that but I give you a little background to appreciate how humbling it is for the pediatrician here to think I know nothing about basic medical information.  Granted I couldn't communicate to him that I actually did know what he was talking about.  And what he assumed I didn't know required no medical degree…just some good old common sense.  I'm arguing with a doctor about common sense in a two year old's vocabulary.


My language teacher seems to suspect that since I don't know what something is called in arabic it means I all together don't know what that item/object is.  So she spent several minutes teaching me what a peel is.  "You know like on an apple or a banana.  You take it off before you eat it.  Usually you use a peeler for an apple."  Through gritted teeth I explained to her that yes, in fact, I do know what a peel is.  What I don't know is how to say it in arabic.  For the love!


And most people here also assume I have no idea how to parent my children and are willing to let me know what a terrible job I am doing.  "It's too cold for the baby"  Um it's 75 and sunny, I'd have my bathing suit on if it wasn't so completely inappropriate. "Your children should not walk around barefoot." We're from the country….period.  "They really should be learning French."  Yeah I'd actually like them to read and write well in English on top of the Arabic they are learning….thanks.


But what amazes me the most is that I am struggling with going from a respected professional who could speak in full proper sentences to well the above.  However, our Savior went from being in the form of God to the form of a servant as a human and humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Phil 2:6-8 paraphrased, emphasis mine).  And I'm whining about not being able to carry on a conversation and a physician thinking I don't know what vaccines are?!?!

Because of what Christ has done verses 9-11 go on to say some of the greatest words ever written, "Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, the glory of God the Father."

Oh, Father!  Continue to humble me if it means that many here will confess Jesus Christ as Lord!